Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
