bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
