It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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