Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
