I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
this will be a night to untag.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
