one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
