Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
