I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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