i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
