i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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