why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
