Just mADE A PArabola og urine
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
