I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
