You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
