He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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