I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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