i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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