I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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