But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
