I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
