I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
