Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
