About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize