the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
