We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Even my vagina gasped.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize