There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
