It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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