I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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