dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
