we're chasing vodka with high fives
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
