Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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