he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
