Barsexuality is the new black.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
