Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I touched a dick in church today
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
