I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
