i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
