Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
