i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
