Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
