Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
