She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
