Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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