the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
