Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
