i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
