I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
