his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
