Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
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The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize