I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize