3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
