just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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