as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
