her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
