This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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