And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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