If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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