I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
