So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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