Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
