Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
