I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
