I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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