I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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