That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
