so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
