Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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