omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
