She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize