Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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